Sox/Rays Game 2 Liveblog!

Hey, so since I haven’t posted in awhile, I decided to make it up to everyone with a liveblog. Let’s get started! All times eastern.

8:10 – Ellsbury strikes out to open things up against Scott Kazmir. Yeah, he’s nasty. By the way, the announcing team tonight is Chip Carey, Buck Martinez, and Ron Darling. The worst team since, well, Joe Buck and Tim McCarver.

8:13 – Pedroia is out, Kazmir looks like he’s going to be tough tonight.

8:15 – Buck Martinez pronounces David Ortize with an emphasis on the Ort. It sounds weird. Just thought I’d point that out. Papi walks. Even though he’s clearly not right, he hasn’t seen a lot to hit in either series.

8:17 – The ruggedly handsome Kevin Youkilis lines a single into left. Chip Carey calls the Sox two-out hitting “underreported,” even though it’s his only contribution to the analysis ever. He seems to like two-out hitting.

8:19 – Kazmir throws more pitches per inning than any pitcher in baseball, with an average of 18 per. And yet no one likes Dice-K. Bay drives one off the wall in left and it’s two-nil. Huge double on a flat fastball. Last year, 2-0 for Beckett was plenty. This year I’d like more. Carey goes back to underreporting the Red Sox two-out hitting by reporting it.

8:21 – Ron Darling is actually informative. Maybe they should let him talk once in awhile. Kazmir is over 30 pitches already. This is good. He’s gone 3-2 on nearly every batter. Lowrie walks. Time for the meeting at the mound. Luckily, Varitek is ready to stop the bleeding.

8:25 – Seriously, Varitek just can’t catch up with a fastball. He K’s on a 91 MPH “heater.”

8:26 – Trust me, I’m going to bitching about the commercials I’ve seen 800 times. So I’m gonna spread it out. We’re all in this together, people.

8:29 – If I may, I would like to say to every pitcher ever this: You don’t have to point at every pop-up. The third baseman can see it. Trust me. We’re getting to the point now where Josh Beckett is pointing at the sky while Coco Crisp is chasing a ball to the track. Really helpful.

8:31 – Ron Darling: “If Josh Beckett is painting the black, that’s when he’s at his best.” Really? I didn’t know that when pitchers are throwing pitches that are hard to hit, it works better. This is what passes for baseball analysis nowadays. Upton K’s. He’s not happy with the call, but that was in there.

8:34 – Pena absolutely mashes a double that one hops the wall in left-center. Going the other way with power. Hmm. Who else used to do that?

8:36 – Buck Martinez: This game is hard when you try to hit balls. Hey-o…

8:37 – Shit. Longoria ties it up with a homer to right. Not a good sequence for Beckett. Also, Chip Carey almost wet himself with excitement. He might be rooting for a good series, but it sure seems like he’s rooting against the Red Sox.

8:39 – “Hard hit ball to short.” No. No it wasn’t. If he has to charge it and throw on the run, it wasn’t hit that hard. You are terrible, Chip.

8:43 – Ok, I’m a little calmer now. Sorry I went off on you there, Chip. You’ll say much dumber stuff before the night is over. Mark Kotsay has a huge hitch in his swing. Even I can see it. He’s the Jim Furyk of the Red Sox.

8:46 – Defense makes pitchers better. Yes. It makes teams better. Why can’t Cy Young voters figure that out? Meanwhile, the Sox go 1-2-3. Awesome.

8:51 – Confidence is the key word, huh Ron?

8:54 – Nasty 2-seamer for the strike out. Nice pitch for Joshy.

8:57 – Chip does love when the Rays hit the ball. He’s like a little league father. Joshy gets another K, this time it’s the immortal Gabe Gross. Who managed .242/.333/.434 in Right Field for a contender. 99 OPS+. So, yeah, the Rays are way better than the Sox.

9:02 – Third K in the inning. We might get a pitcher’s duel after all.

9:04 – Does anyone feel worse than Sean Casey right now? The Red Sox got another outfielder and moved him to first when Lowell went out. When they already had a backup first baseman. Ouch.

9:06 – According to Buck, black bats confuse umpires on check swings. He must be talking out of his ass, right? Otherwise there would be rules, right? On cue, Dusty hits one out to put the Sox back on top, and Chip is devestated. Seriously, he can’t even pretend to be excited. Real objectivity from the chair.

9:10 – ORTiz walks again. Meanwhile, Darling and Martinez are talking about pitching to the glove vs. pitching off the hitter. I haven’t learned anything, but hey, no dead air allowed.

9:12 – Luckily, the legendary Chad Bradford is warming up. The Rays fan is not happy. By the way, the word “bandwagon” isn’t evocative enough for these fans. Most of them didn’t even know there was a team here until yesterday. But they have funny hats, so they must be real fans. They deserve their success.

9:16 – Luckily, the creepy pedophile Travelers’ commercial is back. Seriously, it’s ok to go with strangers, kids, as long as there’s a big red umbrella involved.

9:19 – BJ Upton his one that should land around February, somewhere near Caracas. Chip Carey weeps with joy and tries to get a “Let’s Go Rays” chant going. Tied 3-3.

9:22 – Longoria doubles off the wall and everyone is off the Josh Beckett bandwagon. That was fast. Ron Darling better get his hamstring checked.

9:25 – The Rays are up 4-3 thanks to Carl Crawford’s 2-out single. Well hit. You know, I like the Rays, their team, their story, and everything. Chip Carey has them somewhere between Mother Teresa and Gandhi. He will make me hate them. But only after I can’t possibly hate him anymore. I might be close.

9:26 – Crawford gets picked off. Smart play, Carl. Chip’s not happy with you. Now you’re only fifth after Evan Longoria in the Spank Bank.

9:27 – Worst commercial of the postseason: The “Derek with the mustache” T-Mobile family plan commercial. Seriously, it’s scattered and pointless. Whoever wrote that is the dumbest person of all time. Pick a terrible joke and go with it. The only saving grace of most commercials is there is only one terrible joke. Now you’ve put three or four in there. I hate it more than the 500 Viagra commercials.

9:30 – Tippy Varitek¬† continues to look terrible. I can’t wait to see how overpaid he gets this offseason. Boras is licking his chops. “Veteran presence” “Handles pitchers” “Plays the game the right way” You will hear these many, many times.

9:33 – Coco is getting booed?! I know he charged the mound, but he can’t hit. Wouldn’t the Rays fan like to see him in there? And as I say that, he drives a gapper for a double and the Sox fans drown out the boos. So much for that.

9:37 – Ellsbury strands him by popping up after getting up 3-0 in the count. Remember when he was going to be Rookie of the Year?

9:38 – Most unrealistic commercial: The one for the video game where Rajon Rondo is shown hitting a three. Not possible. Also, so is Leverage supposed to be the new A-Team? It looks just as cheesy, with the same terrible humor. We’ll see.

9:41 – The ageless Cliff Floyd homers to dead center. Joshy is not good. I can’t come up with any more jokes about Chip Carey. He’s so excited. It’s almost cute.

9:49 – End of the 4th. Man this game is not moving fast. By the way, did you know Bon Jovi loves this town? It’s true, I’ve heard it.

9:53 – Pedroia is the man! Another home run. Martinez and Darling botch a terrible joke in celebration.

9:57 – Youkilis homers to tie it up at 5. So much for that pitcher’s duel thing I said earlier. And Kazmir is gone. We’ll see Grant Balfour.

10:01 – And he’s greeted with a Jason Bay homer! A mammoth shot to left. We’re gonna be here awhile.

10:06 – Something’s come up and I’m going to have to discontinue this liveblog. I’ll try to do one during the week. See you then. Prediction: Sox win it in extras.


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