Ryder Cup Sunday Liveblog

So, since the Pats are getting absolutely embarassed right now, I decided to pull the plug on that and come back to give this a shot. So far, the US has taken one point to go up 10-7, thanks to the very surprising Anthony Kim blowing out Sergio in the upset of the tournament so far. Let’s kick it off.

3:53 – NBC loves Boo Weekley. So does Paul Azinger right now. Nothing like reversing all those golf stereotypes huh? Up at 16, Hunter Mahan is in the fairway while Paul Casey is in the rough. Meanwhile, Robert Karlsson finishes his smoking of Justin Leonard, 5&3. US leads 10-8.

3:57 – Phil sticks a tight approach at 15, but he needs to win out just for a half point. Doubtful. Luckily, the first commercial I get to see is the Nick Faldo/Paul Azinger Citi one with Faldo’s excellent speech. I feel the magic.

3:59 – NBC is on the US nuts today. It’s hard to get that patriotic glow about a bunch of rich white guys playing a different group of rich white guys. The Olympics this is not.

4:01 – Furyk sinks a par putt to go 2 up on the Mechanic. Mickelson wins 15 to stay alive. Ian Poulter goes 4 up at the turn on Steve Stricker. Johnny Miller still thinks Monty could have been better than 4-1.

4:03 – Golf euphamism: “That wasn’t his best shot, Dottie” = “What a douche, Dottie. Has he played the game before?” Mahan makes Johnny’s quip not matter by draining a long birdie putt. Dan Hicks brings up the slave thing without using the word “slave.” Instead, he’s “answered all the questions.” Deft, NBC. Casey gags his putt and Mahan goes dormie to 18.

4:06 – Does anyone really think anyone here cares more about this event than, say, the Masters? Because NBC seems to think so.  Johnny Miller is doing his best John Madden impersonation. “Look at all these 1-up matches! Those are really close! Those could go either way!”

4:07 – And Hunter Mahan hits an EPIC FAIL caliber drive at 18, into the hazard. Way to waste that momentum, Kunta. Dan Hicks: “Is that headed right?” he said, hopefully. As the ball landed in the middle of the fairway, he could not keep the depression out of his voice. “No, it’s a perfect drive.” Paul Casey is a big fan of the 13th Amendment.

4:10 – How is it possible that all of these beers are winning these awards? Every beer has an award today. Apparently, all of Michelob’s have one. Where are these competitions? Wouldn’t they be on Versus? Coming back, Special Kenny Perry goes dormie, so maybe he actually did play pretty well this week. Cink squares his match.

4:12 – NBC is showing about 5% of their shots live. How is this possible? There aren’t that many matches going on. I think they’re stacking the deck to show American winners and Ian Poulter. They do this in all of their tournaments. Show Tiger Woods picking his nose for an hour, then show the leader stick a 150 yard wedge in the cup to go 3 shots up. “Golf on NBC – It’s on television!”

4:15 – Johnny Miller’s green reading has been reduced to “moves right” or “moves left.” Someone get that man a caddy. Rose closes out Phil at 16 with an awesome putt. Luckily, we got to watch Pantsless Boo miss a birdie putt instead. It does count as dormie though, so that’s at least something. 10-9 US.

4:17 – Hunter Mahan has finally dropped. He ends up in the front bunker. “It’s like a magnet!” Thanks, Johnny. Casey hits an awesome shot. It sounds like there are a lot of European fans today. Good to hear people cheering good shots.

4:19 – Jimmy Kimmel asks, “Who is Eli Manning going to pump-fake into submission this season?” That’s actually a BDSM porn term. I don’t know what it’s doing in a DirecTV ad.

4:21 – Back from commercial, Johnny Miller says the Slavemaster is happy with a half. Yes, especially being dormie and having all the momentum going into 18, then dunking his tee shot. The bar has officially been lowered.

4:23 – Kenny Perry is ready to close out Stenson, who has not been very good this week. It was more special than every match so far. 11.5-9.5. He actually looks happy. Good for him. Also, he has some attractive daughters. Unexpected.

4:27 – Furyk tape delays a birdie to go three up. Luckily, we know Hunter Mahan thinks Paul Casey played great. Cink drops one to go 1 down. JB hits a great tee shot on tape delay, but we don’t even see him make the putt, but Dan assures us he won the hole. Thanks again, NBC.

4:30 – Finally live again, Boo Weekley misses a birdie putt and leaves Wilson hanging around. Dormie to 16. The Pantless Gator Hunter should still get a full point.

4:34 – Graeme Mcdowell answers Stewart Cink’s excellent approach at 13. That was clutch. No William Wallace jokes. I promise. Poulter goes 4 up, so that match looks just about over.

4:35 – Johnny, with the benefit of tape delay, says Holmes should “get this one close.” And low and behold, he does! What a hero! How did he know? By the way, Hansen is in there close too. He has a beautiful swing.

4:38 – Al Michaels informs us that no one has more fun playing quarterback than Tony Romo. Gus Ferrotte absolutely hates playing quarterback. He would rather go to the dentist than play quarterback.

4:39 – Phrase of the day for Dan Hicks: “This was a moment ago…” The Mechanic misses his putt and stays 3 down. JB Holmes has “a chance to win the hole.” Except he doesn’t. He misses, and Hansen squares the match. Can’t you guys even read the graphics on your own network?

4:43 – The guys savage Oliver Wilson’s choice to hit a flop shot. On cue, he sticks it close. Go analysis! But who cares, because he’s about to lose to Boo Weekley. Who is awesome. Because he’s a hick, apparently. Good win for the pantsless one. He bows like a jackass. I officially hate this man, if only because NBC is washing his balls. His point apparently counts even more than Kenny Perry’s.

4:47 – If you’re planning on watching the new Knightrider, it’s time to reevaluate your priorities. Meanwhile, the Mechanic hits a huge putt. To put the pressure on Furyk. We have no idea how he got to the green, but who cares. Furyk matches to get it dormie, and he unleashes another awful fist pump. That is a man who didn’t learn anything from all those pairings with Tiger Woods.

4:50 – On tape delay, JB Holmes gets a great kick and converts. Meanwhile, Roger Maltbie has adopted a southern accent to interview Boo Weekley. Why is this guy such a novelty? Because he likes to hunt? Really, that’s all it takes? Hansen can’t make birdie, and Holmes has a shot to go 1 up. He does. Raymond Floyd is happy. Quote from Stemple: “but who’s is driving his Lexus right now!?” These are the real issues.

4:55 – Dan Hicks, you cannot possibly love these US players as much as you seem to. We get it. JB Holmes is cool. He hits the ball far. He was on his high school golf team as a third grader. It’s awesome. We accept that. Now take the condom off and actually do your damn job.

4:59 – “Just a moment ago,” Lee Westwood regained a one up lead on Ben Curtis. NBC is not interested in the Ryder Cup. I’m convinced. Johnny Miller, in response, says that it’s amazing Lee Westwood hasn’t won a match this week. Possibly. Gah.

5:01 – Soren Hansen flies the green, so we get to watch all 20minutes of JB Holmes preshot routine. It works out well, and he’s right on top of the pin. He could win this tournament right now with a short putt.

5:03 – Furyk lips out his putt to win the match. Jimenez has a short one to extend the match… and it falls. Come on, Jim. Put us out of our misery.

5:04 – Soren Hansen almost holes from behind the green. Lipped it out. That would have been legendary. Instead, Holmes has a short putt to win the match.

5:07 – Holmes closes out at 2&1, and the US can win this with just one more point. They’re guarenteed half by Furyk, and Campbell is 2 up on Harrington. This one is over. Huzzah for America.

5:09 – Why doesn’t Ray Floyd drive his own damn Lexus? Can somebody explain this to me? He’s such a competitor apparently, but he can’t drive his own car in a commercial.

5:10 – Johnny gets prissy when Dan points out he thought JB Holmes was a bad pick. Catfight!

5:13 – Furyk gets some bad luck, ending up in a divot, but at least he’s on the right side of the divot. He plays to the middle of the green, and the Mechanic needs to hit a tough putt to keep it going. Curtis hits a putt to get back to square. Welcome to the party, Ben!

5:18 – American golf wives have to be blond, apparently. Sorryy brunettes.

5:18 – Jimenez gives Furyk’s short par putt and it’s all over. The US takes the cup back. This was not really that exciting. Part of it is probably NBC, who could not have been worse if they tried. Let’s get this thing on CBS so maybe they could have some fun with it and maybe show a European shot or two over the 3 days. Paul Azinger looks like he’s about to cry. Jimmy Roberts, you are not good at your job.

And that’s it for me. Hopefully it will be better bext time. Good for the US. Maybe it will stop people from calling them selfish, even though they are. Yay.

See you at Celtic Manor in 2010!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: